School Bullying Affects Students and Staff

PHOTO: Smart Company

"I sat in the department meeting paralyzed by shock as the department head railed about an administrative “crackdown” on nonconformist teachers. Glaring across the room at me, she said, “We all need to be teaching the same thing at the same time. And people who don’t like it need to get out.”

This outburst wasn’t the first attack on my teaching. This teacher had gone out of her way to make me feel incompetent or fearful of losing my job several times.  The practice of shutting my door and doing what I felt was best for students had earned me a reputation for being “not a team player.”

It is true my teaching style is different from that of most teachers in my department. But when I suggested technology-based projects or more diverse, relevant articles and novels during co-planning sessions, either my ideas were ignored or I was told they wouldn’t work. Very quickly I learned to keep my mouth shut and continued doing innovative, culturally responsive teaching behind my closed classroom door."

Has this ever happened to you?

The above text is from the article,  Teachers Can Be Bullied Too (Teaching Tolerance)

The article states that: "One out of every three teachers says that they have been bullied at school"

In addition, other data indicates that:

"One of the most unfortunate parts of these school bullying statistics is that in about 85 percent of bullying cases, no intervention or effort is made by a teacher or administration member of the school to stop the bullying from taking place." ~(Source: naaas.org)

About one third of school based bullying is perpetuated by school faculty/administrators onto their students & other faculty members. ~(Source: Teach Anti Bullying, Inc. )

Although I'm not a fan of the term "Bullying", (because I prefer to more accurately call it what it is: abuse, intimidation, verbal/physical assault, etc.) no matter what you call it, it is a morale destroyer-designed to dis-empower, weaken and create chaos for those who are shy, sensitive or socially weak. It inhibits learning, breeds mistrust among everyone and limits everyone's ability (most of all the oppressor) to reach their highest potential.

Based on my experiences and observations over the last 20 years as an educator, I also see it as a symptom of a much bigger problem: paralyzing insecurity stemming from under-developed (or damaged) sense of self-awareness & self-esteem. Both the victim and the oppressor have the same problem that manifests differently-one by intimidation, the other by becoming a victim, and I believe it begins inside of each individual in childhood.

How does the cycle begin? As I see it, our "politically correct" society, has a lot to do with it. We have undermined taking care of the 'self' in favor of putting others first. We tell ourselves and each other that putting ourselves first-taking care of ourselves is "selfish", and this is not entirely true. Its a manipulation of truth. How on earth can we take care of others if we don't take care of ourselves FIRST?

Of course, no one wants to be called "selfish" or to be thought of as a bad person, so we perpetuate this lie by:

• deferring to those perceived as being in the position of "power" even though we KNOW what they are telling us is absolutely wrong
• not challenging the false paradigms that we encounter everyday 
• being willing to still cooperate & "compromise" with others who clearly have no intention of compromising or cooperating with us
• buying into hype of unproven "facts" just because they resonate with how we feel at the moment
• over compensation through giving our children everything they want/ask for, rather then teaching them self-control and/or making them work for what they want, encouraging a sense of entitlement
• forcing kids to "share" even when they don't want to or are not finished playing with a toy or if the child they are expected to share with breaks/steals their toys
• fighting kids battles for them instead of teaching them how to protect & advocate for themselves
• "honoring" and "obeying" those who can and will possibly do harm, and at the expense of honesty, integrity and our children's self-esteem and more importantly, their well-being
• teaching kids that competition is "bad"-and "cooperation" is what we strive for, and then giving everyone a medal/trophy for just showing up, even if they were uncooperative and let their teammates do all the work
• continuing to willingly be "offended" at things that in reality are not offensive so much as expose the offender's ignorance
• perpetuating the lie among children (and adults) that they are powerless to stop abuse, and that bullying is the absolute worst thing that can happen to them, hence encouraging a fearful, victim mentality and empowering current and potential oppressors

What happened to searching for a higher truth, thinking a problem through, maintaining integrity no matter what, establishing and respecting personal boundaries, becoming a "winner" by always doing your personal best and "Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" ?

We "D.A.R.E" kids to "just say no" to drugs, we indoctrinate them with "anti-violence" mantras, yet when bullying is reported, no one wants to really do anything to actually stop it. 

Administrators don't take it as seriously as they say they do. They HAVE to say they take it seriously, due to laws, and then they say they have a "zero tolerance" policy, which usually only results in the victim being punished in some way, and being too intimidated to even report it the next time-(and there will be a next time.)

The bullies and oppressors know this. They become more empowered. Child victims of bullying/abusive behavior grow up to be adult victims of the same-both at home and in the workplace.Child bullies grow up with a sense of entitlement and most likely will become an oppressive adult. The cycle continues when an adult accuses another adult of bullying, and reports it, most supervisors liken this to kids tattling on each other and no one takes it seriously, even though they SAY they do...Do you see a pattern here?

Yet every time there is a school shooting, the media reports either hint or tell us outright that its due to some form of bullying. So instead of finding out how to stop bullying so kids and staff don't shoot up schools, school boards and classmates, we instead, demand gun bans. Do you see how we are avoiding the real problem? 

Its imperative to understand that the problem did not happen overnight, it took years to build to that point of bullying, abuse or violence. There was $132 million budgeted by congress for Anti Bullying programs in 2012, and yet, here we are no closer to solving the problem than we were 10 years ago, and in fact, some statistics indicate that the problem has gotten worse. 

The problem as I see it, (to summarize) is that we have been so busy trying to ensure that our kids are "happy" that we have taken away their ability to function, to survive and to thrive. 

The solution as I see it, is to first eliminate this insane hamster wheel of  action & reaction, starting with the items listed in the bullet points above, that in reality do absolutely nothing to empower children, adults or make the world a better place, other than making everyone feel good for a little while. (For example, I am all for sharing with others-especially the less fortunate-but only when I am finished with the item or object that I worked for and earned.  If I'm going to share, its because I am motivated from the inside-not compelled externally just because someone said we should "redistribute" what we have and that I should share. I am all for giving medals, trophies and awards to kids-but only when they show outstanding  EFFORT, improvement and interest...when they do their part-not just because mom signed them up and they wore the uniform, halfheartedly, because they just wanted to "belong" to something. This is offensive to the kids who want to be there and learn, acquire skills and do their best. This goes double for adults in the workplace, but how can we expect adults to embrace these policies if they have not been taught as kids? (The result is what we are seeing - an "entitled" society.)

What if we taught our kids to NOT depend on others- either to make them feel good to stop the bullying problem? What if we put more energy and time into providing them tools and strategies that truly empowered them so they could learn to feel more confident and depend on themselves? Ultimately, no one can do that for them, they have to find their own effective method, but they need help to navigate this and build their self-reliance skills. 

I realize that in some cases, as with a special needs child, this may not be entirely possible for them to self-advocate, but if enough kids have a workable understanding of the imbalance of power, and what happens inside the victim, and inside the oppressor, and if enough of them are taught to be bold enough to speak up, and do what is right and know what to do & how to do it, I guarantee that the kids tormenting a special needs child in school, will be outnumbered & swiftly stopped by the student support system of that child, (which would be a majority of the other students) who have the capacity to stop it before it gets out of hand.

I would like to see more Anti-bully programs work on the root of the problem in this manner, and provide functional tools for kids as well as adults, to work on themselves, to build a repertoire for mental toughness, problem solving, self-advocacy, peer/social support systems and even physical self-defense (as a last resort if needed).

Bullying victims need allies and resources. When victims know they are supported, they are better able to become self-empowered. Lets do right by our kids, peers and co-workers and start actually solving the problem from the root-from the ground up. 



Related Reading & Resources:

Bully Buster: Text a Tip Service Helps Schools Stop Bullying 

Teach Anti-Bullying

iPushBack (Shane Fazen)

Do you have a resource you would like to add? 

Please share it in the comments below.

New Punishment for Bullying: Shunning

PHOTO: teenink.com

I never did understand how bullying a bully helps to stop him/her from bullying, but an elementary school in Colorado Springs has decided to initiate an "experiment" on purposeful shunning.

It’s all part of a new anti-bullying campaign meant to build empathy? however it’s stirring up a bit of controversy.

Fourth through sixth grade students (ages 9 - 12) have been taking turns wearing special stickers (a la "The Scarlet Letter") on their collars to indicate that they are to be shunned by classmates. 

According to the rules of the exercise, students are not allowed to tease or be mean to those wearing the stickers. 

Based on my personal experience, I have doubts about these "behavior modification" type practices when imposed on typically developing children, and I think this raises some serious ethical questions.  ( Just my observation. )

But how about you, as an educator or parent, what do you think? 

If you are a mental health expert, we welcome your comments as well. Please add them in the comments area below. 

You can read the full article here:

Kids Told to Shun Classmates to Show How Bullying Feels




RELATED:

A Terrifying Report: Child Abuse in Texas Schools and Your State Too

Do Anti-Bullying Programs Really Work?

IMAGE: American Friends Service Committee
 https://afsc.org/ 

I have always been on the fence about character education, D.A.R.E and anti-bullying programs, and while I have some very knowledgeable and capable colleagues that are doing some great work in these areas, I have always wondered if they are actually reducing the problem?

My personal approach with my own kids as well as the students I have worked with is to instill a sense of pride and self-reliance in them through setting goals & overcoming challenges.

Bullying is always about an imbalance of power. While each party plays a different role in bullying-(one passive-one aggressive) BOTH are displaying a symptom of a bigger problem: helplessness.

While the victim feels helpless and cannot or will not act to maintain or take back their power, the aggressor also feels helpless and uses intimidation and violence to establish or affirm theirs. Both are victims and both need specific interventions to address their own issues with power. Some programs have "zero tolerance" and punish both parties, others give awards to victims and in effect reward the victim for being a victim, and still others vilify and wind up bullying the bully for being a bully.

I've watched as well meaning educators and "experts" have drummed into our kids heads how horrible bullying is-and I've watched as kids interpret that to mean that teasing & bullying it is the worst thing that can happen to them. In my opinion, we need to change the way that we approach bullying education. I firmly do believe that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. But simply telling kids this will not work. (Read more about Affirmations & why they don't work here.) Especially for a child who has self-esteem challenges. They need to experience it to learn it first hand, and how they learn is by being allowed and encouraged to develop themselves as individuals. We need to stop feeding into what the 'experts" say and use common sense. We need to provide kids with viable tools and options that allows them to stand up for themselves, because as we have also seen, others will not always stand up for them.


The following research study regarding the effectiveness of school-based anti-bully programs comes from the Journal of Criminology Volume 2013 (2013), Article ID 735397, 10 pages:

A Multilevel Examination of Peer Victimization and Bullying Prevention in Schools

Seokjin Jeong1 and Byung Hyun Lee2
1Department of Criminology and Criminal Justice, University of Texas at Arlington, P.O. Box 19595, Arlington, TX 76019, USA
2Michigan State University, East Lansing, MI, USA

Received 4 March 2013; Revised 20 May 2013; Accepted 28 May 2013

Academic Editor: Christopher Schreck

Copyright © 2013 Seokjin Jeong and Byung Hyun Lee. This is an open access article distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution License, which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited.

Abstract:

The goal of this study is twofold: (i) to develop an explanatory model to examine the relationship between school environment/climate and peer victimization and (ii) to determine whether previous models of preventive strategies in a single school or district could be expanded to the nationally representative sample of adolescents across multiple schools. The analyses in the current study are based on data from the Health Behavior in School-Aged Children (HBSC) 2005-2006 US study, and the sample consists of 7,001 students from 195 different schools. The findings reveal that students attending schools in which bullying prevention programs are implemented are more likely to have experienced peer victimization, compared to those attending schools without bullying prevention. Study limitations and implications for future research are discussed.

[In the interest of time/space, I have skipped to section 7 Conclusion/Discussion]

7. Conclusion and Discussion:

Surprisingly, bullying prevention had a negative effect on peer victimization. Contrary to our hypothesis, students attending schools with bullying prevention programs were more likely to have experienced peer victimization, compared to those attending schools without bullying prevention programs. It is possible that bullies have learned a variety of anti-bullying techniques but chose not to practice what they have learned from the program. Sometimes, bullies maintain their dominant social status among peers in school. As a result, the preventive strategies may become ineffective.

Read the full research article here: 

http://www.hindawi.com/journals/jcrim/2013/735397/ 

Admittedly, this is just one study I came across, and does not prove nor disprove the effectiveness of these programs, but it does support what some of us have always suspected. It also raises some interesting points and questions about school climate in general. I personally, would like to see more research done in this area.


Does your school currently have an anti-bully program? In your opinion, and based on your observations, has it had a positive or negative impact on school climate? Have you seen any other studies supporting or refuting the effectiveness of Anti-bullying programs? 

Please tell us in the comments area below.

Rude is in the Eye of the Beholder

IMAGE: Mr. Rude - www.mrmen.com

One of the local school districts here in PA has established a policy that it will no longer respond to "rude" or "disrespectful" e-mails:

http://www.mcall.com/news/local/bethlehem/mc-bethlehem-school-rude-emails-20131016,0,6758233.story

Source: The Morning Call via Facebook Page.

Wow. Where do I begin with this one?

I will first say that while I realize the media has a tendency to "spin" things to make them more emotional & interesting, and I do not know both sides of the story, my comments not only relate to this particular event as described in the article, but all the other policies & rules that school boards across the country implement for reasons most of us cannot understand.

As a parent of just about 30 years now (and an educator for 20 of those years), I have corresponded & communicated with many teachers and administrators over the years, usually with pen and paper-but on some occasions by phone & by e-mail. In my opinion, policies like these do not compel us to be respectful to each other- they only serve to quiet some, push others over the edge and divide us all even more.

Additionally, policies and rules such as this one allows the ignorant to exploit our sensitivity, and thus gives them power over us.

The first problem with policies & practices such as the one the Bethlehem School District has implemented, is this: How can you objectively define "rude" or "disrespectful"? This is an judgement call that contains many elements-and the receptivity, emotional maturity and overall attitude of the receiver is just as important to consider as that of the one communicating.

Here is Webster's definition of rude:

rude

ro͞od/

adjective

1. 1.

   offensively impolite or ill-mannered.

   "she had been rude to her boss"

   synonyms:

   ill-mannered, bad-mannered, impolite, discourteous, uncivil, ill-behaved,unmannerly, mannerless;
2. 2.

   roughly made or done; lacking subtlety or sophistication.

   "a rude coffin"

   synonyms:

   primitive, crude, rudimentary, rough, simple, basic, makeshift

So my first question about the above referenced policy is, who gets to decide if a communication is "rude" (i.e "offensive") and therefore not worth responding to? Wouldn't that determination depend completely on the person reading or listening to the communication and how they feel that day? Does this mean that you could be considered "rude" if you are simply "disagreeing" with something?

Rude is in the eye of the beholder.

The way I see it, the very ideas of "rude", "disrespect" and "offended" are two sides of the same coin. On the one side, we should absolutely be respectful of each other. On the other side, that is not always going to happen. One person's "rude" is another person's "honest". In expecting and even demanding respect from everyone we come in contact with we have already set an unreasonable and non-objective expectation that spirals downwards from there.

While racist, intimidating or threatening comments are never OK, not everyone is so educated, informed, sophisticated & eloquent in their self-expression. In fact,some people are definitely ignorant. But lets be honest: when it comes down to it, words are words, opinions are opinions and sometimes "rude" is the only way things get done.

In my experience, most people don't attack a school administration, anonymously, online or otherwise, without having some catalyst to set it in motion. Most people are too busy trying to put food on the table, or, looking for work. What the article does not say is what prompted these so-called "rude" e-mails and what were they even about? Exactly how many were sent that caused a policy/news article to be written over it? Is this really what schools should be worried about? Is this what tax dollars pay them to do? I'm sure that this school board's time could be better spent addressing more important issues regarding education and the actual needs of the students in the community?

Wouldn't it be more productive to say, "Gee, when we sift through the "offensive language in these ignorant e-mails, it appears that this person/people is upset because...." But no-that would take a little bit of work. Its much easier to hide behind a policy that bans all "offensive" speech. Yeah. That'll work. This gives me images of a child sticking his fingers in his ears, sticking out his tongue and singing "I can't hear you...lalalalalalala...." as he runs away.

The school boards work for the communities, and are elected by the people of each respective community. They need to be held accountable to the people and answer for their actions, instead of being allowed to draft policies and make rules that discourage communication between hard working parents and the very people who are influencing their children for 7 or more hours a day, 5 days a week, 36 weeks of every year for about 13 years. They need to step up and start acting like the professionals that they want us to believe they are and want us to respect them for. I say, respect is earned, not a given and its hard to respect a board who is making rude e-mails an issue that needs a policy and a press release.

By ignoring people who are apparently already ticked off about something, and who may be unable-or unwilling - to communicate it effectively, a district runs the risk of increasing the odds that they will only get more angry/ rude/disrespectful communications. They also run the risk of dismissing a valid communication because they have now made an issue of rudeness and are looking for it in any way shape & form. Then what happens? Do they call for the ban of parents from school functions? the arrest of a parent who has an opinion about the school or community? for asking a question? for disagreeing? or for expressing a grievance because they used "offensive" words to express it? Because if a board does, its important to understand that now they are clearly part of a growing problem. 

Remember where we live: we are guaranteed to be free to express ourselves, even if we do it rudely or disrespectfully.  So, either we ALL have that right of expression, or, NONE of us have that right. We cannot pick and choose who has a valid opinion based on whether or not we or someone else feels "offended". What happened to "acceptance" and "non-judgement"? All these nice words and ideals go out the window  very quickly in real life, don't they?

With that said, I will add that just because you have a right to say something, does not mean you should. 

When I communicate with a school-I absolutely put my name on everything I send, and am careful to be specific about my question or thoughts. If a person is serious about a complaint, they should do the same but I also can understand why people are reluctant or unable to do that: frustration at dealing with an already difficult-to-navigate & increasingly corrupt system; fear that their child will get singled out and "punished" for a parent's perceived rudeness; fear that they will be labeled as "one of those parents" or even as an "enemy combatant"... or worst of all, fear that they will be called a "racist", if the other person happens to be of a different ethnic background then they are, which we all can agree is a touchy subject for many these days.

Things are getting more tense and way out of hand with schools and other government divisions in general, and it seems that the "polite" people who approach problems and issues with reason are promptly ignored anyway. Maybe part of the answer is that yes, we all should be more eloquent & polite and realize that we are on the same side, but the other part of that is that we also should grow up, and stop being so hyper-sensitive to what others think & say because this is the exact thing that perpetuates bullying, discrimination and yes, racism.

My second question is to everyone reading this post: Does it really matter that much to you what someone else thinks of you, or the way they say it to you that you have to write a policy or make a rule to ban/ignore them or demand they respect you? Because if it does, the problem is more within you than the person expressing a rude opinion, and if you are a teacher or administrator you have no business being in any position of power, and you certainly have no business influencing young people in any way. As the saying goes, "If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen."

Understand something: being "offended" is a choice-not something that others impose on you. Its a mythical state of mind and an idea that has grown popular out of the "Politically Correct" movement. Our feelings stem from the way we think-our thoughts and ideas are what gives rise ot our feelings. Those who overdo the "PC" thinking and who invoke the "offended" clause, are those who are attempting to silence those who don't agree with them or those who, by telling the truth, threaten their very existence in some way. One can say its to protect themselves or a community, but deep down, it stems from something else: one's ego and sense of self-importance. The truth is, that we can stop feeling offended anytime we decide to. I suggest we start now.

Being "offended" by "rude" and "disrespectful" people is a cop out for so many things, and THAT is the root of the problem. That is what really needs to stop. Its called "grow a backbone". Real men and real women don't get offended, because we know ourselves well enough to be confident in who we are, what we can do, where we came from and where we are going. We don't need validation in the form of "respect" from anyone-because we are more concerned with doing the right thing, rather than feeling good and going along with what is popular. We are expansive thinkers and are open to all opinions-polite and rude just the same and can look at them objectively, rather than through the lens of our emotions. We are not so high and mighty that we feel that we need to silence those who disagree with us, but rather, when criticized or called out, we use it as a time for self-reflection and make choices based on what is right for the majority-not on how fragile or powerful we feel at any given moment. We work to educate the ignorant-not silence them.

Our schools are in serious trouble. And while the 'State' demands more and more of our students and gives them less and less, in the background we have squabbling & rules being written by adults that are based on feelings, subjective opinion and myth, and have nothing to do with education or making our schools better for our kids & our communities. Rules that are made because we don't like the way someone spoke or because we don't want to hear all the negative things others are saying about us. By doing this, we have stooped to the very mentality we are trying to "ban", and the ignorant, have in effect "won". Power is given-and power is taken away just as easily. It all depends on how we respond.

Parents: educate yourself & if you have a gripe, learn how to effectively communicate it-on paper, face-to-face, by e-mail and at the polls. When we fail to take the responsibility to learn how to communicate & express ourselves properly, then everyone loses. There is power in numbers and the parents, teachers & even the students themselves hold the best cards. Know what cards you hold, which ones you need, and play them wisely. If you can't do that, then just stay off the internet, keep quiet and stop wasting everybody's time.

Administrators: You are the leaders and set the example & the tone for our students and our communities. Instead of trying to silence rude voices or being offended at the ignorance they display, take up the challenge they present in the right manner and use their weaknesses against them the way they are attempting to do to you. Teach our kids how to be strong in body, mind and emotion, and to rise above this kind of ignorance. Teach them that their self-worth is not dependent on the opinions of others and to be conscientious -to have pride in their work, their communities, themselves and their family heritage. Teach them to work on bettering themselves and letting go of this idea of someone "offending" or "bullying" them through words, because it can only hurt them if they allow it to.

So I say enough rule and policy writing. There will always be ignorant people in the world. The only way to minimize the effects of hate, discrimination, racism & bullying is to stop giving those who spread it, power over us. In order to effectively do that, we need to change our attitudes & approaches and set the example and provide the tools for our children to do the same.

Getting Angry Enough to Change your World

Image: oneteachersperspective.blogspot.com

I started blogging as a way to communicate, educate, motivate, inform-and sometimes entertain, with insights into Mind-Body Health and education.  My message has usually focused around the integrative & positive approaches, but today I am taking a much different position because I feel that I am not effectively doing my job as an educator if I continue on the "Keep Calm & Do Yoga" path. 

While mind-body techniques and positive thinking absolutely has its place, in reality, it would be much more truthful and accurate to say that my intrinsic nature has always been more in alignment with, "Get Angry & Change the World". So you could say that as of this moment, I am a recovering yoga teacher.

In the last few weeks, through several eye-opening events, (personal, domestic and international) much self-reflection, a few glasses of Sangria, (and yes, of course, meditation) I have finally gotten back in touch with my "Inner Bitch" and I think she may have saved me from a life of misdirection and a false sense of complacency.

So today, I am proudly coming out as my angry, ninja self. But I am not going to spew a bunch of hate. No-that is NOT what I am about; anger needs to be directed in a controlled, logical manner in order to be of any use to us. Rather I am going to present to you my insights. You are welcome to share them, or not, and if you don't agree, that is fine too. 

My goal is still and will always be, to communicate, educate, motivate inform and entertain, because real education is a dialog-a sharing of ideas-not an imposing of thoughts or agendas. 

These are scary times we are living in. There are many challenges and changes going on all around us and you would have to be living under a rock to not see it. But regardless of your personal views, beliefs or understanding, you have to know something is RADICALLY wrong with our education system, when you see these headlines: 

7-year old Pop-Tart gun offender loses first appeal.

14-Year-Old Refuses To Remove NRA T-Shirt, Faces 1 Year In Jail

School Confiscates Cupcakes Decorated with Toy Soldiers

Girl’s bubble gun center of ‘terrorist threat’ at Pennsylvania Elementary School

3 Year Old Deaf child's sign language name looks too much like gun

Teacher's Resignation Letter: " My profession no longer Exists"

I used to inwardly laugh at the ridiculousness and insanity of these types of situations, but its happening more and more and with more aggression aimed towards younger kids. I have seen a much bigger-(and NOT funny)- picture emerge. Everyone reading this blog should be taking it seriously too, because its not funny or ridiculous anymore. Its gone beyond that. 

Now its personal.

Recently, my step daughter's high school cosmetology class was (illegally) searched by the vice principal, who burst into the room and vindictively asked them one morning, "Do you like dogs? Because I do!" He came in to search not only lockers, but also girl's purses and bags. With 2 armed officers and dogs. (By the way, I do not live in an inner city-I live near Perkasie, PA.) These girls had NO IDEA they could refuse or ask a parent be present before consenting to having their personal property searched. They were not told what the "reasonable suspicion" was, and were not informed they would be subject to a search nor what they were even looking for. They had no idea they could even ask these questions. They were intimidated by 3 men, two of them armed, and two K9 Officers. (If your boss came into your place of work in this manner, you would be intimidated too.)

The 'search' abruptly ended when the vice principal, found a squarish shaped plastic container in one girl's bag, and triumphantly requested it be opened. The girl gladly complied and dumped several tampons, feminine wipes and condoms out onto the desk. He turned pale, (as one officer stifled his laughter) and quickly exited the room-dogs, officers and all. (No further commentary needed on this one.)

Last week, my 13 year old daughter was harassed by a female teacher, for her t-shirt being "too low cut". (I assure you-it was not. she was not violating any school dress codes and she was dressed very conservatively in a crew neck t-shirt with no decoration on it. I look at how she is dressed every day, right down to earrings, makeup and footwear before she walks out the door.) My daughter is healthy, muscular and "built like a brick house" as the saying goes, and apparently that makes people- uncomfortable. (As if she has any control over her genetics.)

The teacher did this in front of other students, commenting to another teacher who proceeded to pull up her shirt by the shoulders as to "cover up" more of her chest area. My daughter was beyond stunned and mortified - (as if a teenage girl needs to feel any more self-conscious about her growing body). She has been taught to respect teachers and didn't know that she could back away and that teachers are not supposed to actually touch her. However, the teacher knew that.

I told her that if it happens again, to push/slap this teacher's hands away and say loudly "don't touch me!" and then go directly to the office and call me. I don't want her to have to do that. I don't want to have to tell her to do that, but I will. Its awful and nauseating that anyone should feel the need to instruct kids how to protect themselves from the people who they have to spend 7 hours a day, 5 days a week with and take instruction from for 9-10 months out of the year. (Homeschooling was discussed-the younger one won't let me as she wants to be with her friends. The older one has no problem speaking up, now that she knows she can, and will be a senior next year.)

I have always been and am usually supportive, defending of and helpful to educators-but NOT when I see them routinely falling into this pattern of compliance-of allowing kids to be intimidated-and actually assisting with the process. If my child is breaking a rule, it is MY job, and mine alone to handle it, correct it and discipline her. Period. This is not negotiable and teachers need to speak up and push back by refusing to deal with these issues themselves and referring discipline issues & remedies back to where they belong-with a parent or guardian, in the home.

These ridiculous headlines above and the equally ridiculous policies and the events that inspired them, are not about education nor about what is best for our kids.They are showing us and warning us of a frightening trend, that rewards compliance over free thinking. 

Grab a yoga mat or a glass of Sangria and really contemplate that for a minute.

Education needs to begin in the home. It starts with educating our kids on what is means to live and learn here, and what their rights are as a citizen and a student. It needs to include logical & critical thinking, problem solving, self-respect, respecting others, how to make good decisions (based in fact, not emotion) and how to speak up and how to protect oneself against others who aggressively attempt to infringe on their thoughts, beliefs and liberties, and who try and make them feel guilty by acting "offended" at everything. We need to teach our kids to be respectful-but to themselves first. We are not teaching that, we are discouraging it.

Somewhere along the line we forgot that part. We forgot to teach them how to think critically, and how and when to put on their big panties and deal with people, teachers and 'stuff' without crying "bully" or "unfair" or expecting someone to give them a sticker, a trophy, a medal, or an "A" for just showing up.

So, my question is: what will it take for parents, educators and administrators to push back against the current trend, the indoctrination  psychotic policies, and erosion of rights being imposed onto our kids, especially, it seems, our sons? 

We have seen the kids already begin to push back-in the very wrong way, and we need to not wait to fix the problems after the fact and after they become unfixable - but prevent them before they happen. We can do that by showing kids with our actions, that we will be ever vigilant and do everything in our power to protect them, their lives, their liberties and their personal pursuits of happiness.

This takes on a doubly important meaning in the context of children with special needs-non-verbal children in particular-the most vulnerable of us all. I am now entirely convinced that ABA 'therapy'- (applied behavioral analysis) which insurance companies will now pay for- (in fact the ONLY kind of autism therapy that is paid for by insurance) is just another attempt to make kids more compliant and weak.(If you doubt me, look up "behaviorism", (what ABA is based on) Watson, and Skinner, (who came up with this theory in the early 1900's) and tell me that it doesn't strip every last bit of 'humanity', hint of 'choice' and shred of 'self-control' from humans?)

We can choose to ignore it all but its not getting any better by pretending its not happening. We can complain, Tweet and blog about it, but that is not causing anything to really change. We could also stand around and blame guns, video games, ADHD, teachers, Monsanto, lack of religion or absent mothers/fathers all we want, but we know that these are NOT the only nor the real root cause, they are only contributing factors. 

Our kids are looking-waiting for someone to teach them things that matter, someone who looks out for them and advocates for them and who teaches them to advocate for themselves. Someone who really loves them. Buying things for them is not love. Making excuses for them is not love. Letting them just have things (like trophies, karate belts or diplomas) for participating without working for and earning them is not love. Making ridiculous policies that constrict them more and more is not loving nor protecting them. Saying "I love You" is a start, but showing them HOW you love them by teaching them how to think; acting on injustice; ensuring their rights (human and constitutional) are protected; unconditionally supporting their social & emotional well being, speaks even louder. This includes parents and teachers. 

Many teachers feel that they are at the mercy of policies that don't work, and I agree with them. They are the ones in the classrooms, working with our kids and they need to be the ones calling the shots in education, not following some stupid, ineffective 'politically correct' government policy for fear of losing their job.

The more we stand by and allow ourselves, our kids, our schools, our teachers and our students to be systematically taken advantage of, intimidated, bullied, traumatized, lied to, censored and silenced by government and school administrations acting as agents of the government, in the name of "safety" and/or "education", the more our kids (and we all) lose. These policies have made the student mistrust the teachers, the teachers mistrust the parents and vice versa. A scared child who cannot trust the adults around him, does not learn anything but how to survive, and a scared teacher cannot teach anything useful. The more scared we all are and the more kids see us stand by and not act, the more they will feel a need to take matters into their own hands and 'survive' in the wrong way. This only puts everyone involved, at odds with each other and in danger. 

Image: hideyourarms.com 

Is this what we want?


Related Links:

Zero Tolerance Policies are Psychotic

One Teacher's Perspective (Blog)

John Taylor Gatto: Challenging the Myths of Modern Schooling

Contact: bg.bgini@gmail.com